Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Pity Party

Yep I'm having one right now. I read all the comments from you ladies with awesome advice, along with speaking with some other ladies who were successful after delayed breastfeeding. So why am I upset? Well I brought the Breast Flow bottles hoping he would take to those, well so far it has been a total bust. I originally started with Playtex Drop Ins and I think he is used to that nipple. See Donovan is a lazy baby when it comes to eating, which is normal for preemies. I understand that they get tired fast. However he also is a greedy baby! He sucks so fast and hard like he's never eaten in his life! It's the funniest thing ever but since I've tried to introduce the Breast Flow bottle it has become a real task. He will take the bottle but only drink about 1 oz and he's over it.

According to his pediatrician he should be drinking 2-4 oz, (which he would do with the other bottle) so I can't help but think it's the bottle and the last thing I want is for him not to eat enough. So I'm lost! I don't know if I continue with the Breast Flow bottles, hoping it'll get better or do I just switch back to the Playtex ones which I know he likes (this is where I need help/advice). I guess seeing him not take to the Breast Flow bottle makes me think he'll never latch on to me. This causes me so much stress!

I've been crying all night because it seems like nothing is going right. I've been trying to take everything in stride and remain positive but my delivery was a difficult one, definitely nothing like I imagined. Yes I know things don't always go as plan, and I'm pretty good with rolling with the punches but it seems like I can't catch a break. I don't think anyone understands how important it is for me to breast feed. I always intended on breastfeeding that I never looked up information about formula feeding while pregnant. I "tried" to prepare myself that breastfeeding isn't always easy, so I took classes and tried to do as much research as I could. I'm not judging those who do but some don't even consider breastfeeding and to think that I want to and it's so difficult for me is just upsetting. I just emailed the lactation consultant who held my breast feeding class for advice. I plan on scheduling an appointment with the clinic as soon as I'm done with my medication. That's some good news I can share, I went to the O.B. yesterday and my blood pressure is coming down. One of the medications I'm on for seizures she said I can stop taking once I run out ( which will be in about four days). Then she plans on weaning me from blood pressure meds starting next Tuesday. I guess that's something to be happy about seeing as how I thought I'd be on those meds for about a month.

Again  I want to thank all my readers for commenting. I also want to give a special thanks to Alex and Mrs. W for giving me as much advice as possible. All of my readers ROCK! It's amazing how I was a total wreck at the beginning of the writing this post and now I feel relieved. I really needed to get that off my chest! Once again I do plan on sharing my birth story. I honestly think that I'm avoiding it because I don't like to think back on what happened, especially since the only part of it that went right (good, great, perfect) was delivering Donovan, which is the most important part of course. In due time I will share it all in full detail. For now I'm trying to get over this hurdle and get some type of normalcy back.


  1. Hang in there K, you are doing so unbelievably well for your little man. With the bottles, we had the same issue going from Medela bottles to the Breastflow... my son was lazy and preferred the bottle that was less work. We stuck with the Medela bottles for a while and then transitioned to Playtex wide mouth ones. For now, I would just stick with what makes him happy. Once you can start breastfeeding, he will probably protest a bit because he has to work at it. :-) I would also try not to stress about getting every last ounce of formula into him, as long as he's gaining weight and producing wet diapers, then he's doing well.

    Once you are off the meds and ready to start breastfeeding, I highly recommend surrounding yourself with supportive people. Make sure they understand that THIS is what you want to do and that they please refrain from suggesting formula to make it easier or giving up all together. You will have times where you feel like giving up, but if the people around you are there to remind you how badly you wanted to breastfeed, it can really make a difference. My DH being as supportive as he was was a big influence for me when I was struggling with breastfeeding in the beginning.

    Take your time in writing your birth story. When you are ready, you will probably find it to be a cathartic experience and will help you heal from the experience. If anything, gazing at your son will help remind you that it has all been worth it. :-)

  2. Hugs to you sis! I'm not a mommy yet but just know I'm here reading everything and keeping you in constant prayer.